Remember When
by Irisheyes
Summary: Tony and Carmela the college years.


Remember When  
By Irisheyes  
Rating: R  
Summary: Tony and Carmela their college years. Life was never simple, even back then.   
Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to David Chase, Brad Grey and HBO Pictures. I'm just borrowing them, and I hope I can do them justice. A huge thanks to my mentor, Becci B. Without her encouragement, I would never know the joy of expressing myself through writing.   
  
Tony Soprano walked over, and opened the passenger side door of his '69 jet black Firebird for his girl Carmela. She liked it when he did shit like that. As she slid into his car, she flashed him a smile and coyly lowered her eyes.   
  
It was all in that smile. He knew she loved him, and that look on her face confirmed it. He loved her too. That's what was making this so damned hard.   
  
He started the engine, and the car roared to life. The car sounded strong and tough just like it's owner.   
  
"Do you have to take me home already, Ton?" Carmela pleaded.   
  
"No, I guess not. I thought we'd go up to The Point. Maybe talk for a bit."   
  
She knew what that meant. She had only been with one other guy, but that was before Tony. He didn't make her feel white hot inside the way Tony did. The guilt she felt at having any relations at all before marriage flew out of her mind as she anticipated his big tender hands on her body. He understood she wanted to save intercourse for her wedding night, but that didn't prevent him from showing her other pleasures.   
  
Her mind was so busy fantasizing that she didn't notice how quiet Tony was. He pulled the car into a parking space overlooking the river. The night sky was beautifully romantic. He felt like it was mocking him, and that pissed him off. She scooted over close to him, and laid her head on his shoulder. He smelled so masculine, and she could feel the warmth growing between her legs.   
  
Tony put his arm around her, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Carm, we have to talk."   
  
Carmela could feel a tightness in her chest, but she wasn't sure why.  
  
"Babe, you know I love you. Things have been getting pretty serious between us. I think you know what my intentions are towards you."   
  
"No, Tony. I don't," she said in a lilting voice. "Why don't you tell me all about it?"   
  
"What? You want me to say it?" She nodded with a soft smile. She needed some reassurance right now, but she didn't want him to know how much. "Okay. Fine. I want us together forever. I want to make you my wife. But not right now. We're still young, Carm. I think we need to ease off a bit. Maybe even see other people. Just for a while. Over the summer maybe. Then we'll know. There'll be no doubts, you know?"  
  
"Tony, I don't have any doubts now. I didn't realize that *you* did." She had a definite edge to her voice now. The softness was all but gone.   
  
"Maybe doubt was the wrong word. It's just things are moving so fast. I don't want either of us to have any regrets."  
  
"Regrets? Dammit, Tony. Are you seeing someone else? Because if you are..."  
  
"NO! Fuck no! It's just like I said. We're too young to get so serious. That's all."  
  
"I'm 20 years old, Tony. Half my fuckin' friends are already married or engaged. Wait.. It's your mother isn't it? She hates me."   
  
"No, she doesn't hate you. But she doesn't think I should be so committed to one person either."   
  
"Fine Tony. Take me home."   
  
"Carm, I have something for you." He handed her a black velvet box. "It's just to remind you of us." She opened the box with a creak. Inside was a beautiful heart shaped locket. Tucked inside the etched gold was a picture of them taken on the boardwalk in Atlantic City. From one of those little booths with the curtain. She felt tears well up in her eyes and silently she let them run down her cheeks.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Charmaine was frantic. Usually she could find out where Tony was, and just "happen" to show up. It didn't even matter to her (much) if he was with that bitch Carmela. She just wanted to see him. She wanted to know what he was wearing that day, what music he listened to while he was driving, what he had for lunch. She had his class schedule memorized, all his hangouts were her hangouts.   
  
She decided there was only one thing left to do. She went to St. Matthew's to pray. Saying a her rosary wasn't exactly what she had in mind though. Whenever she couldn't find Tony, or wasn't waiting for him to show up at the deli, or newsstand she would come to church and pray for him and Carmela to break up. No, it wasn't the sort of thing a good Catholic girl would do. She wasn't sure, but maybe praying that way might keep her in purgatory, or even send her to hell. Charmaine wasn't currently capable of thinking that far in advance. Making Tony Soprano hers was her only goal in life.   
  
She knew all about Tony's family. What his father and uncle did for a living didn't bother her in the least. In fact, she found it exciting. What power Tony had now was enough to intoxicate her. When she got Tony to marry her, she would be the queen of the Jersey crime family. She had no doubt about that. Tony was on his way up.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tony woke up with a headache. The fun from the previous night didn't seem worth it now. Big Pussy and the guys wanted to take his mind off Carmela. So where do you take a broken hearted buddy? The Bottom Line, of course. The drinks flowed, and the girls danced with their empty stares and silicone breasts. Normally, that would have been his idea of heaven, but it made him want her and long for her even more.   
  
Tony reached for the phone by his bed, but thought better of it. He wanted to call her, and make sure she was all right. But he knew Carmela. She'd either start with the water works, or she'd start screaming at him through the phone. Neither one of those things went well with a hangover. He just had to hope that she knew that he loved her.   
  
After a long hot shower, he felt like a new man.   
  
He picked up the shirt he was wearing the night before, and put it to his nose. "Ugh! Cigarette smoke and Charlie perfume." After tossing it aside he went to his drawer and pulled out a Seton Hall Pirates t-shirt and a fresh pair of jeans. Some OJ was sounding real good about now. Maybe he would go and rattle Artie's cage and see if he was among the living.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Charmaine's phone on her nightstand rang twice before she answered it. In case it was Tony, she didn't want to seem to eager. "Hello?" she purred.   
"Char? It's Carmela. You'll never guess what's happened." She paused, trying to keep her composure. "Tony broke up with me. He wants to see other people. He said it was because we've gotten too serious, and he's too young to settle down yet."  
"Oh, honey I'm so sorry! You don't think he's seeing another girl, do you?"  
"No, I don't. I think it's got something to do with his mother. She has never liked me, as hard as I try... She has a lot of influence with Ton."  
"What an old crow. She used to throw empty cans at the neighbor kids when they played too loud on the sidewalk. What are you gonna do, Carm? You know, this could be a good thing. A sign or something. Maybe you should start seeing other guys. Tony hangs with a rough crowd, and you don't want to get mixed up with some of the stuff he's into."  
"I know all about his dad's business, and what Tony does to help him out. I don't like it, but it comes with the territory. You don't see Tony the way I do. He has a good heart, and that's what matters. That's what I love. I love him in spite of The Family. I'm not letting go this easy, but I'm not going to hang around and mope either. Your right, maybe I should see some other guys. Then we'll see how Tony feels about it."  
"Carm, you know that will seriously piss him off!"  
"If he loves me it will. I have to go. Thanks for being such a good friend, Charmaine."  
"I'm here for you anytime, honey," and she hung up the receiver. Madonn'! He broke up with her! Now was her chance. Her prayers were actually being answered. She had to plan this carefully. Tonight would be the perfect time to console him.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tony Soprano was cruising his Firebird through Carmela's neighborhood. "Old habits die hard," he told himself. He would normally be taking her home after a pitstop at Spumoni's for a milkshake. "What a fuckin sap you are. Get over it," and he slammed the gas pedal to the floor and let the tires squeal as he sped past her house.   
  
He was in no mood for bullshitting with the guys tonight. All he really wanted to do was brood over Carmela. He stopped and picked up a six pack of beer, and was preparing to have a nice long pity party for himself.   
  
Last Sunday seemed like ages ago. He went up to the folks house for dinner, like he did every week. Ma made the best mushrooms and her ziti was out of this world. Lately though, the delicious food wasn't worth the hassle she gave him. "Carmela dresses well for someone from her part of town," she would say. "Your not getting too serious about a tramp like her are you? She's not good enough to father children of a Soprano!" His father would just sit back with his drink, and watch the ice tinkle around in the glass.   
"Ma, come off it would ya? I love Carmela. You used to like her."   
"That was before I had to consider the possibility of her being my daughter in law. Please, Tony. Find a nice girl. Someone you can be proud to make your wife."  
"I am proud of Carm, Ma. She's beautiful, and she's smart. She makes me better than who I am."  
"Beautiful? If you like that type. What do you mean 'better than who you are?' What sense does that make? Your too young to be so serious about one girl. You should date more. Shouldn't he, Johnny?"  
"He's happy with her, Livia. Lay off the boy."  
"You want her for a daughter in law? Are you crazy? He needs a nice girl from a good family."  
"Livia, he's not talking about marrying her. Not yet. Let him live his life. He's a good boy."  
"I have thought about marriage with Carmela, actually. I was going to ask her the end of this semester."  
"What! Tony, do you know how much it costs to support a wife? Give it some time. You have your whole life ahead of you. Why don't you break it off with her for the summer. Then you can decide. If she really loves you, she'll wait."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
That actually made sense to him just four short days ago.   
  
He put the key to his apartment in the lock and turned, only nothing happened. He knew he locked it when he left.   
  
Charmaine was sitting there, in skin tight jeans, and a crop t-shirt that showed off her slim midriff. She held the television remote control to her lips and said "Hi Tony. I thought we'd watch the game together. Can you believe those Niners?"   
  
Tony was born at night, but not last night. Carmela must have told Charmaine about the break up. So now she shows up, unexpected in every sense of the word. She was lookin' for trouble. Well, odds were in her favor.   
  
"Hey, Charmaine. Good to see ya. How the fuck did you get in here?" There was a good-natured, but slightly irritable tone to his voice.   
  
"Your not happy to see me? I thought I'd be nice and give you a little company. Open your beer for you, bring you a sandwich. That Montana is something else."   
  
"Yeah, well under the circumstances it might be better if you leave. Carm and I broke up, and I just wanted to have a beer in peace tonight, you know? I'm not up to visitors and shit."  
  
"Tony... Wassamatter? The boys keep you out too late last night?" she said teasingly as she walked across the room to him. "I don't understand why you waste your time looking at strippers. You can have any woman you want," and she ran her finger down his chest admiringly. "What's the harm if I hang here for a while?"   
  
"Okay, Charmaine. You can stay, but I'm not gonna be very good company."  
  
He was starting to feel that uneasy feeling you get when you know what's going to happen. It's just when and how that is the mystery. She was sending him pretty clear signals for what she wanted. His heart was in pieces, but his libido wasn't aware of that fact.   
  
Tony went to his bedroom, and changed out of his jeans and into a pair of sweat shorts. The t-shirt stayed. For now. When he emerged, he found Charmaine laying on the black leather sofa pretending to watch The Forty-Niners trounce The Steelers. She had one leg casually thrown up on the back of the couch, and her back was arched slightly in what she hoped was a position that would best show off her feminine attributes. Frankly, she just looked easy.  
  
It didn't make sense, but Tony's ego was bruised. He was the one that rejected Carmela. In his head he knew that, but somehow he felt such pain. He felt an ache that he had never known before. Here was Charmaine ready to make it all better.   
  
He lay down next to her, and the leather creaked a welcome. She looked up at him expectantly and eager. Almost too eager. Tony looked into her eyes, and stroked her thick, dark hair. She was nothing like Carmela. Her olive skin was bland compared to Carm's golden smoothness. He had to stop thinking about her.   
  
With an amazing intuition, Charmaine said, "Tony, have you met this guy Carm is thinking about dating? He looks like a real looser to me, but to each his own."  
  
"No, I didn't know anything about it. When did this start?"  
  
"Just today. She called me, and told me about the break up. Then she said that she was glad, because there was this varsity track guy she had her eye on. I think she's crazy. If I were her, I would have done anything to make it right again with you, Ton."  
  
"Yeah, well fuck Carmela. And her varsity geek."  
  
"No thanks," Charmaine giggled. She hoped she played this right. Tony was your typical Italian man. And his jealousy could blow up in her face. But for right now, every little thing was going to be all right.   
  
Tony slid on top of Charmaine, and kissed her deep and long. His hot mouth made her melt, and instantly she felt a throbbing between her legs. Their tongues mated, and he gently held her face in his hands. Charmaine wrapped a leg around him, encouraging him to be more forceful. He slid his hand underneath her shirt, and cupped her breast. It was small and firm, with a taught nipple that was begging to be tasted. He reached around behind her, and expertly unhooked her bra, freeing her breasts for his touch. She moaned as he licked one nipple, and fingered the other. Her hips rose up to meet his, and she could feel his stiffness through the thin material of his shorts. She pumped and rubbed against it, and she was rewarded with an earthy groan from him. Not waiting for him any longer, she unbuttoned her jeans, and wriggled out of them, sliding her panties off at the same time. He lifted her shirt up and slid it over her head, her breasts at eye level. Now she slid off his shirt, and she rubbed her breasts against his taught, hairy chest, crying out with pleasure. He got up, and slid her down on her knees, so she faced the back of the couch. He shoved the coffee table out of the way, knocking over beer bottles with a loud chink. He took out his hard penis, shoving her down further into the couch as he entered her. She met him thrust for thrust, and even backed into him as he took her with such force it excited her more and more. She called out his name as she climaxed, and he spasmed with pleasure letting himself fall to the floor in exhaustion.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning, Tony woke up with Charmaine next to him. "Oh God," he thought. He wasn't so much ashamed of himself as he dreaded dealing with her. He had no guilt knowing that Carmela was already seeing another guy. But he had a burning in his gut that wouldn't go away. Now he just wanted her gone. He had plans this morning, and he was extremely anxious to get started on them.  
  
"Charmaine, get up. I gotta go." She made no sound. "Hey, listen you gotta get up and get outa here. Take a shower or whatever, but you have to go home now, okay?" She stirred, and rolled over to greet her man.   
  
"Ummmm. Tony." She reached up to kiss him, but he dodged her getting up from the bed instead. She fluffed her hair, and admired his backside with a saucy grin. "So what have you got planned today? I thought we could have lunch at the deli with the guys. You know, and I could..."  
  
"You could what, Char? No, no frickin way. I got business I gotta handle for Pop."   
  
"Okay, but you gotta eat sometime, baby. I just thought if we're going to be together we..."  
  
"Whoa, stop right there. We're not *together*, okay? We just had a nice time last night. It was great, really great, but it's over now. I got stuff to do."  
  
"It was great, wasn't it, Ton? We are going to make such a great couple."  
  
"Charmaine, am I getting though to you? We are not a couple. I still love Carmela. Your a nice girl and everything, but I'm all wrong for you. All right? Now get dressed. I'm leaving." He blew her a kiss, and went into the bathroom to shower.   
  
In the shower all he could think about was this guy Carmela was with. She was hooking up awfully fast. Maybe she was seeing him on the side all along. He never would have thought Carm would do that to him. Maybe it was time to make this asshole's acquaintance. As he climbed out of the hot steam, he prayed Charmaine was gone. She was getting a little weird on him.   
  
Luck was with him, and Charmaine had left. But on his pillow was a note with a big lipstick print on it, saying "I love you. Call me tonight. Yours, Char."  
  
"Aw, fuck."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Carmela finished applying her mascara as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," she called down. She bounded down the stairs and took a deep breath before opening the door. Standing there in a denim shirt and khaki pants was Craig Moretti. She felt flushed when she saw him. He was so completely different from Tony. There was a shyness about him that she was very attracted to. He was quietly self assured, but he wasn't cocky and arrogant like Tony could be.   
  
"Carmela, you look gorgeous. I made our dinner reservations for 7, so we should get going. Are you all set?"   
  
She flashed him a smile and nodded. He offered her his elbow, and when she took it he walked her down the steps and to his car. After he got her settled in, a loud scream of a car engine startled them both. He was about to close the car door, but Carmela stopped him. The jet black car screeched to a halt right behind his BMW.   
  
"Shit," Carmela said in a not so quiet voice.   
  
Tony Soprano was a force to be reckoned with, and Craig knew it from the moment he laid eyes on him. Tony got out of his Firebird, and with a bird who ate the canary look on his face, stalked over to Craig.   
  
"Paesan! How goes it? Let's you and me go over here for a second and have a conversation." Tony slapped Craig on the back, and with a smile he forcefully steered him behind some hedges and out of Carm's line of sight.   
  
"You takin' my girl Carm out on a date? You think your gonna wine and dine her?"  
"Hey man, you two broke up. Carm is a beautiful woman, can you blame me?"  
"I'm gonna do fuckin more than blame you, you piece of shit. Who the fuck told you we broke up? It just happened last night."  
"Charmaine. She called me, and said you broke up with her, and that Carm wanted me to give her a call. I didn't mean any disrespect, Tony."   
Tony grabbed Craig by the collar of his Ralph Lauren, and twisted it, successfully cutting off most of the air to his windpipe.  
"Listen to me you fuck. Stay the fuck away from Carmela. I don't give a fat fuck if that cunt Charmaine calls you and tells you I'm dead. Do you get me?"  
Craig's honor was feeling a little bruised. He was still naive enough to think he could defend himself. He broke free from Tony's grasp, and pulled his fist back thinking he was going to make contact with Tony's jaw. He was mistaken. Tony was much faster. He caught the bridge of Craig's nose with his elbow, sending a spray of blood across the leaves of the hedge. Craig dropped to his knees. All he could say was "I get you, Tony. I get you."   
  
Craig was holding his bloody face as he got into the car.   
"Oh my God! Craig what happened? Did he hurt you?"  
"No, Carm. It was nothing like that. Tony just wanted to talk to me. I fell on that fire hydrant over there. Pretty stupid hunh? I'm sorry, but maybe I should go and get this taken care of."   
"Craig, come inside and let me look at your nose. I can get you cleaned up at least."  
"No," he answered a little too quickly. "It's just that I already ruined your evening. Jeez, I'm really bleeding. Maybe I should go to the Emergency Room."  
"Can I drive you?"   
"I'll be fine. I'm sorry about this, Carmela." With that, she opened the car door, and walked up the sidewalk to her house.   
  
As she closed her front door, she watched Tony climb into his Firebird. He wore a heavy look of melancholy, and she longed to touch his face. She was repulsed by what he had just done. No matter what Craig said, it was pretty obvious that Tony had smacked him around a bit. At the same time, she felt good. She felt truly loved, and desired by the man she wanted with all her heart. Carmela crossed herself, and said a Hail Mary. Oi, she needed to go to confession! She didn't know what to do about her conflicting emotions. She wanted to just follow her heart, but that was a dangerous path.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tony kicked open the door to his apartment. He was so fucking pissed he couldn't see straight. That bitch Charmaine was right about Carmela and that little fucker Craig Whatshisnuts. The thought of her with another guy drove him insane. What the fuck was he doing? He loved her. He didn't get jealous like this over just anyone. He needed to find a way to get back together with her. She completed him.   
  
He noticed the red light blinking on his machine. Oh God. Maybe she called. Maybe she was pissed about him straightening out that little shmuck. But maybe she called to tell him that she missed him.   
  
"Ton, it's Char. Baybeee... Give me a call. Didn't you get my note? I could bring over some beer later. Lovvve you."   
  
"Fuck me." Tony picked up the phone, ignoring the message from Charmaine, and dialed Carmela's number.  
  
"Carmela, it's Tony."  
"Hi Tony," she said with an aloofness that she didn't feel.  
"How about I come over, and I take you for a drive? I want to talk. I miss you. I've made a terrible mistake."  
"Sure, Tony. I'll go with you. But your not getting off so easy you know."  
"I know," and he hung up the phone. He breathed an audible sigh of relief. At least she was going to let him talk to her. The phone rang.  
"Yeah?"  
"Tony, it's Char. Why didn't you call me?"  
"Because I didn't want to." Realizing that sounded pretty bad, he decided to rephrase. Afterall, if he managed to get Carmela to take him back, Charmaine could start some serious shit for them.   
"I'm sorry, Char. It's been a helleva day."  
"S'okay. I understand honey. So, I'm comin' over, all right?"  
"No, it's not. Charmaine, I'm meeting with Carmela in a few minutes. I'm going to try and get back together with her. I'm sorry."  
"What?! But I love you." Her voice shook with indignation.   
"No you don't. Not really. You don't want to get with a mobbed up asshole like me. Char, your a beautiful girl. I was talking about you to the guys just the other day. And Artie Bucco agreed with me. He thinks your a knock out. You ever think about getting together with Artie? Now he is a stand up guy. He isn't a womanizer like me. He'll treat you right. "  
"Yeah, I've seen Artie. He seems all right."  
"I can set you up with him. He'd treat you like a queen." That was the key phrase. She wanted to be someone's queen.   
"Yeah, sure Tony. Call him. I don't like being lonely."  
"No hard feelings?"  
"No Ton. But if it don't work out with you and Carmela, you know my number, right?" He knew her number all right. What a fuckin wackadoo.  
"Your a sweet girl, Charmaine. I wish you all the luck in the world." He hung up, and felt like a ton of bricks was lifted from his shoulders.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There was no feeling in the world like driving through town with your girl sitting next to you. Tony felt like the luckiest guy in the world, but he still had to charm her. He had hurt her, and he understood he needed to make her feel secure again. Lord, let her forgive him and get past this. And never let her find out about what happened with Charmaine. Ever.  
  
Tony drove to a playground. It was dark and deserted. The moon above provided plenty of light, and cast romantic shadows all around them.   
  
He took her by the hand, and led her to the swings. They sat side by side, in comfortable silence. Then Carmela broke the silence with a laugh that made his heart soar. He loved that sound.   
"What's so funny?"  
"It just dawned on me. We're sitting on swingset. Tomorrow little kids are going to be playing here. Why did you bring me here, Ton? You want to be a kid again?"  
"Yeah, why not?" He got up, and grabbed the chains of her swing. He ran his hands down until they were parallel to her hips, then he pulled her back and let go.   
"Tony! That's too high! You know I hate it too high!" But she was laughing and shrieking simultaneously. Was there anything a man liked hearing more than that? Well, maybe one thing.   
He caught her as the swing fell back toward him. She was still laughing her musical laugh. He turned her to face him.  
  
"Carm, I made a huge mistake. I should have never let you go. Even for a second. Your too important to me."  
Her eyes began to fill with tears, but she didn't say anything. She let him go on. She just hoped he wouldn't hang himself with his own words. She prayed he would say the things she needed to hear.   
  
"I'm so sorry, babe. I don't know what to say that will change what I've done." She was still silent, as the tears gently fell. He started to panic. His chest felt tight, and for one of the few times in his life he realized he might not be able to talk his way out of a problem. Please let her understand what was in his heart. She couldn't, wouldn't turn away from him if she only knew.  
  
He dropped to one knee, and pulled out a black velvet box from his pocket. Her hands flew to her face, and the sharp intake of breath she took startled them both.   
"Carmela DeAngelis, I love you with all my heart and soul. You complete me. I don't want to live my life without you in it. When I think of the future, your always there. I brought you here, because when I have driven past here, all I can see is you with our children. Maybe one in a stroller, and one playing on those slides over there. God wouldn't have given me that image if it weren't going to come true, would He? What I'm trying to say is, will you marry me?"  
"Oh Tony. Tony. Yes, I will. I will marry you. I want a future with you. My heart could never let go of you." She threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him with such force her lips felt bruised.   
  
So as beginnings go, this wasn't bad. The Family would welcome the marriage, but Livia wouldn't. Tony was sure that Carmela could handle it, as long as Ma didn't call for a sit down.   
  
The End  
  



End file.
